Photobucket Girls

[Via http://yourpron.wordpress.com]

dream / nightmare - smurf exercise class.

I just woke up, and although I have work in a bit (I need to be dressed, teeth brushed and on the bus stop in 45 minutes, ideally), I just had to blog this dream, it’s made me feel really strange.  What’s worse is that it’s the closest thing I’ve had to a nightmare, and you will all probably think it is the most hilarious dream out of all of those that I’ve blogged.  Yet it’s left me with a really uneasy feeling… :S

—

I was the same age as I am now, but it was like we were back at school, and we were all in changing rooms getting changed back into our clothes after what was ostensibly a swimming lesson.   I was keeping myself to myself, but in the same changing room there was a group of 3 or 4 guys from my year group at school, one of whom was R whom I used to have a massive crush on back in the day.  Anyways, it was meant to be his birthday, and he was having some sort of party, and they were talking (the group of guys were all twats, essentially) and discussing how much they were going to drink, what they were going to do, who they were going to try and sleep with etc. I kept my head down and tried to get changed, but for some reason they were looking at me and asking why I was getting dressed so slowly, did I like being naked with them, I had no chance of anything happening, I should hurry up because I was keeping them all waiting.  I was getting changed as quickly as I could, but when I looked up, they were all dressed and suddenly a teacher came in and informed us that if we didn’t hurry up, the last 6 people might not be able to fit on the bus as there was limited space.

After that, I remember some sort of classroom game, but only vaguely.  What happened next was that my school colleagues appeared to vanish, and were swiftly replaced by the people on my careers guidance course at uni.  Our tutor, Mary, came out and split us into our two practice groups (which is how we’re split up for quite a few of the activities on the course) and told us to go outside, where we’d receive details of the task we would have to prepare.  We all crowded outside, a lot of people were chattering excitedly but I was feeling somewhat melancholy after my earlier experience, so I was still quiet.  Outside it was a replica of my patio at home, but a lot larger in order to be able to fit 23 people sitting around the edge.  Mary stood in the middle and told us that one member from each group had to be a Smurf and entertain a group of youngsters while also doing some sort of exercise instruction class.  I was immediately horrified, while several members of the group laughed.  Then Mary announced that she had chosen one person from each of the two groups to perform this task, while everyone else was going to role-play being the children and watch in the audience.  I don’t remember who she chose from the other group, but from my group she chose me.

I was mortified, and I sat still as the group became more excitable.  I wandered around the outside of the patio trying to evade the task, but the group of my friends started heckling me and told me to be a good sport and have a go.  I was so uncomfortable, I didn’t want to dress as a Smurf, and I didn’t want to expose my body. I didn’t want anyone to laugh at me. Plus, it was also a ridiculously stupid activity, and would be of no value to the kids, and I don’t know why Mary would have selected people (let alone me) as normally she would let us come to a democratic decision. So this made me feel pretty upset, and as I stood in front of the group of my friends, I had to fight back tears, and I started to dance awkwardly before abruptly stopping and pleading with someone to swap with me.  Mike got up and stood next to me and put his arm round me and told me it was going to be alright, that it was just a bit of fun and not to take things so personally.  I felt a little better for that, but I still really didn’t want to be a Smurf. I asked if someone would please swap with me, but the group was too busy talking and laughing, or watching the other group’s Smurf, to really pay attention.  Finally, my friends started paying attention to me, and I repeated the idea of swapping out of being a Smurf, since I didn’t feel up to it. My friends started going “aww” and “it’s only fun!”, but then I realised that Mike was volunteering to swap with me.  I was not happy about this, because I would have liked to sit and gossip with Mike (as we usually do), but since he was the volunteer essentially saving me from a fate of wearing a nappy and being giant and blue, I let him take over and sat in the corner.  Immediately, Clare put her arm around me and told me not to worry and just to relax and enjoy myself, but I felt somewhat disappointed in myself that I didn’t have the strength to perform a task I had been chosen for.  I looked up and was again horrified by what I saw: Although Mike’s face was normal, he was now stripped to his underwear, grinding while my group were all heckling, laughing, whooping, trying to reach out and touch his body which was ridiculously thin, muscled and tanned to a deep bronze like that of a body builder (but slim) – in reality, I have not seen Mike naked but I am quite confident his body is not like this! I was horrified and as Clare and some of the women in the group started to grope his underwear (which seemingly fell away), I began to cry with embarrassment that I had been chosen for such a task, that I couldn’t do it, that Mike had had to save me and yet was enjoying being naked and playing the clown in front of the group (which I thought was utterly humiliating and sorta disgustingly prurient), and then I woke up.

—

Very bizarre.

[Via http://iamchase.wordpress.com]

Hypocrisy NOW! With Sarah Palin...

We have all been subjected to the new (stolen) Jay Leno Show promos during the Olympics.  I’d like my curling finals Palin-free, but it’s apparently not to be.  Thanks to his prime-time failure, Jay has his old show back.

I’m a Letterman girl; I can’t help it-whining bugs me. Sarah Palin will appear right alongside gold-medal winners as one of Jay’s welcome back guests next week.  How can this be?

David Letterman’s unfortunate joke last summer had a long shelf life.  Half of the Paliban think Letterman actually raped one of the Palin girls.  Why wouldn’t they? Her statement insinuated he was a pedophile.

Jay Leno, however, is in high-favor with the half-term governor.  Sarah, what’s the difference between jokes about your daughter being impregnated by Alex Rodriguez and John Edwards? Do tell.

On September 2, 2008, Jay Leno joked:  “Governor Palin announced over the weekend that her 17-year-old unmarried daughter is five months pregnant. Oh, boy, you thought John Edwards was in trouble before, now he’s really done it!”

WOW! Sarah is going on the air with a guy who said John Edwards impregnated her daughter who was a minor? Don’t get me wrong, John Edwards is an asshat, but knocking up a minor? Well, we’re still waiting for that tape.  Dang, is this covered in the “Sarah Palin Satire Clause”?

Later he joked: “And we’re learning more and more about Governor Palin. Apparently her daughter’s name is Juno.”

Precious!

AND then …”All the Republicans are heaping praise on Governor Palin. Fred Thompson said, as an actor, he could see them making a movie about Sarah Palin and her family. Didn’t they already make that movie? I think it was called ‘Knocked Up!’”

I think Sarah owes David Letterman a fruit basket and an “I’m sorry I jumped on your case, it was working for me then.”

So many jokes from Jay Leno, but I found one I agree with:  “She said at her church, Governor Palin, said she asked everyone to pray for a natural gas pipeline, which she said was God’s will. And today, God said, “Hey lady, I don’t deal with oil companies. That’s more Satan’s area.”

Yet another chapter of Hypocrisy Now! With Sarah Palin.  (My apologize to Democracy NOW! With Amy Goodman)

[Via http://shannynmoore.wordpress.com]

Three-for-One Audiobook Reviews

I spend a lot of time in the car for work, and since Richmond has yet to produce a radio station that comes anywhere close to being as satisfying as my favorite station ever (and because a girl can only listen to the GLEE soundtracks so many times without going hoarse from singing along), I also spend a lot of time listening to audiobooks.  And I love it…but I find that I can’t review audiobooks with the same level of detail I like to include in book reviews because I’m devoting attention to driving, and I don’t have a way to take notes, both of which are good things for the people of Richmond. Lord knows this city doesn’t need any more bad drivers.

Thus, I give you mini-reviews of what I’ve been listening to lately. You can’t go wrong with any of them.

Naked by David Sedaris

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I love David Sedaris. Naked was the first of his books I ever read, and it’s been a good six years since then, so it was about time for a re-read. As funny as Sedaris’s stories are on paper, they are infinitely better when presented in his voice, and this audio recording of my favorite Sedaris book really hammered that message home. Opening with “A Plague of Tics,’ which is easily my favorite piece in any of his works, Sedaris describes the odd compulsive behaviors that defined his childhood—licking light switches, making strange vocalizations, and rocking back and forth just a few among them—and recalls witnessing his mother and teachers imitate him during supposed parent-teacher conferences.

His first night in college, as he attempted to rock himself to sleep, his roommate assumed the bunk beds were shaking for an entirely different reason, and Sedaris just let him believe it…..because what’s weirder, really, an eighteen-year-old man masturbating at bed time, or one rocking himself to sleep?

The title essay is also a favorite, as Sedaris recounts vacationing at a nudist colony with the goal of becoming more comfortable with his body. He learns the importance of carrying a towel with him everywhere and begins to understand nudity as the great equalizer, all the while residing in a trailer with no lock. Sedaris’s sister Amy provides voices for many of the female “guest stars” in the collection, and I loved the texture and humor she added. This is one funny family.

Whether you’re a longtime Sedaris fan or you’re simply looking for an audiobook to keep you company in the car, at the gym, on your walk, or wherever, I highly recommend Sedaris and Naked.

Mennonite in a Little Black Dress by Rhoda Janzen

I first heard about this book when Deborah reviewed it, and I knew it would fit right in with my obsession for memoirs about religion. I tend to be drawn to the ones about weird, unusual, or seemingly crazy religious sects, and for me, the Mennonites fall  into the “unusual” category.  I really didn’t know much about Mennonite culture, and I was intrigued by this memoir by a former Mennonite who defied her parents and peers, left her community, married an atheist, and became an academic.

As it turns out, Mennonite in a Little Black Dress isn’t really a book about religion, but it’s a great book nonetheless, and I found Janzen’s sarcasm, sense of humor, and candid revelations about her life very refreshing. I cracked up several times as she described spending time with her practicing Mennonite family members, navigating awkward dinner conversation with female relatives who lack boundaries and any sense of social propriety, and learning to date again after her husband left her for a man he met on gay.com.  Really.

Along the way, I picked up interesting bits of information about Mennonite history, beliefs, and culture, learned about the most popular shame-based foods in Mennonite communities, and relived a few of my own embarrassing experiences as Janzen recounted similar childhood foibles. Mennonite in a Little Black Dress was a great listen, and I’d recommend it to anyone who enjoys a well-written, humorous memoir.

Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell

It’s official. Sarah Vowell is my new author crush. If I ever decide to extend the list of #pantyworthy authors (those at whom I would throw my panties out of admiration for their work. It’s purely intellectual….well, except with Joshua Ferris. But have you SEEN him? Yum.), she’ll be on it.

But I digress.

This love affair started when I finally got around to reading The Wordy Shipmates last month. I’ve always been fascinated by the Puritans, and Vowell brought them to life in a way no other writer I’ve encountered has managed to do. Several of you commented that if I liked Vowell’s books, I should check out her audio, which she reads herself, and I am so glad you did.

In Assassination Vacation, Vowell records her travels across America researching the assassinations of presidents Lincoln, Garfield, and McKinley.  Her oh-so-unique voice adds to the nerdiness of this endeavor (she provided the voice of Violet in the movie The Incredibles) and puts her right up there with Sedaris on the list of authors whose work is even better when read aloud. In fact, Vowell and Sedaris remind me a lot of each other, and I think it’s safe to say if you’ve enjoyed audio by one, you’ll enjoy audio by the other, even though their subject matter couldn’t be more different. Both are intellectual, witty, and have a way with well-placed snark, but where Sedaris is plumbing the depths of personality quirks and social awkwardness, Vowell turns outward to explore underappreciated bits of culture and history. And she’s less vulgar, which is a plus for those of you who would like Sedaris if he weren’t quite so dirty (which is something I don’t mind at all).

Now that I’ve enjoyed these, I’m having a major dilemma. What to listen to next? Make some recommendations and help a lady out!

[Via http://thebookladysblog.com]

In the Sun

I am tall and straight, arms spanning a horizon
like Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man of Proportions, in the sun
with one thousand black osprey perched atop saguaros
along the rough seaside track from Bahia de Kino
north to that little Seri Indian village at Desemboque
near Isla Tiburon, every bird facing northwest to catch
mid-morning sun on their primary feathers outstretched,
the last drops of night’s cold rising off their backs
into the sere desert air, vanishing into the hard light.

I stand naked, Renaissance Man exposed to the hot wind,
sun-baked all to one tone like the earth’s tough skin
beneath the ocotillo, ironwood and palo verde,
the color of the belly of the Indian girl heavy with child
who sits upon the driftwood log and mends the nets,
strand by strand, with a patience that is natural
in such places where sea and sun and sky are all.
I perch in the sun like the fish hawk, I stand tall
as a cactus, I sit like the girl and face the sea.

[Via http://raysharp.wordpress.com]

Introducing the NEW "X" PAGE @jfzLIVEShere.com

The “X” page will contain more risque “stuff’ including what some may consider nudity.  It will not contain explicit sexual content but the first pics consist of very revealing photographs of Lady Ga Ga and let’s just say it’s now very obvious what sexual organ she possesses.  Enter the X Page with caution and be 18 or older.

The X Page @jfzliveshere.com is adult oriented.

[Via http://jordanzeh.wordpress.com]

Girl, I know you try. You fly straight into my heart, you fly straight into my heart but here comes the fall...

So I’m currently cleansing my ears (that’s pure beauty right there) from the amount of Capital and Capitalesque music my ears have had to endure today. Whilst I love sitting on poolside, there is only so much I can take, only so much I can take, before my knees start to buckle and my arms start to shake. Sorry about that drifted off into Rise Against mode, nice bit of Faint Resemblance there for you… Yeah so for me sitting on poolside is a beautiful pastime as it’s one of those beautiful occasions where you can just chill. I mean there is nothing like it, I sit there staring blankly into the mesmerising, calm, blue water, gently swooshing into the gutter (obviously observing that nobody is mindlessly killing themselves at the same time) and my mind goes completely blank. It’s a beautiful release from the stresses of life and it gives me that rare opportunity to reflect and mull things over in my mind. Mull – what a beautiful word.

Righty, back to this furious rant about Capital! The first fault I have with this beautiful station is that they only have about 15 songs for the day. I mean I’ve probably exaggerated a bit there, it’s probably less than that. Very cleverly, in an attempt to cover this up, they just chuck in a tonne of adverts and what will be coming up later. A clever tactic when what’s coming up later is… more adverts and more talking about what’s going to be happening later. I mean it even annoyed the old woman WHO WAS SWIMMING in the pool!(No, not on the side beside the pool) You can barely hear the music when you are swimming! I can’t actually remember what my other point was… but it was very important so we shall all reflect over how important it is for a moment or two

Well that was good, wasn’t it? I still can’t remember what it was. Perhaps something to do with the crazy presenters. They are far too happy! I don’t want someone happy badgering on about stuff at me. Nightmare! Also what is it with calling their concerts, “gigs“. They are not allowed to do this because I said so! Take White Lies, I’d classify them as non-Capital material on the whole… So if I’m not gunna get hot and sweaty with some fat half-naked bloke at a White Lies concert, I’m definitely not going to at a “Neyo” or whoever James May calls himself when he’s pimping out the stage with his banging tunes, blud. In truth I’m far to chilled out and happy to rant. Tis a shame as this is something that really annoys me!

So what brings this unusual mood??? Well I suppose it comes off the back of a pleasant day. I may be exhausted but I just feel like I’m at peace with life for the time being. It will surely try to fuck things up again shortly, but I will ride this wave as long as I can. I’ve spent a pleasant few hours revising, and then I saw Beth which was lovely. I then jammed off to work to sit on poolside for almost the entire shift! Naughty! Very much against the NOP! There I think I had the realisation that life was good. So following that, I jammed off to explorers to make some pancakes. Better Together has just starting playing following a nice bit of interpol, mmm just sums up life. I think only summer would top this. So anyways the pancakes were pretty tasty and for once I had fun. I mean numbers were stretched to say the least! But either way it made me feel kinda accepted again, it’s been a long time since I felt socially at ease and even satisfied.

This story is boring and stuff. fact.

[Via http://virtualreverb.wordpress.com]

Updated Back Of It All

Being it’s the month of hearts and love and all those mushy things, I decided to treat myself with a nice leather corset. The corset came in this week. It was a nice purchase off of good old ebay. The intention was to  capture myself in a still shot with a lot of attitude and little clothes. Everyone seems to look so hot in leather and lace. What about me? First of all, I hate lace. Second of all, these little breasts of mine has never been bustled in a corset before. I was quite happy with the fitting. After a few shots and awkward positions, I was able to capture this shot. It was the perfect shot after a black and white processing. What do you think?

[Via http://whiterisque.wordpress.com]

Katie Price Ass Pics

[Via http://katiepricenaked.wordpress.com]

Madonna's new boy toy is allegedly Jon Kortajarena

Allegedly, Madonna has moved on from Jesus Luz onto this model. This news is all over the web including MSN.com. They say: “Poor Jesus Luz! The Brazilian model only managed to keep his place in Madonna’s heart for less than a year. The insatiable man eater is now to be seen alongside another Latin lover, the very sexy Jon Kortajarena. The singer fell for this 24 year old Spanish model during the premiere of the film by Tom Ford, “A Single Man”, in which the olive skinned hunk has a small role. Madonna certainly has taste: last December “Forbes” magazine placed Jon Kortajarena among the 8 best top models in the world! As for Jesus Luz, he has plenty to worry about. Furious that he had the audacity to announce their break up to the press himself, Madonna has vowed to ruin his career. That’s what happens when you get involved with a human praying mantis!”

[From]

[Via http://loft965.com]

God's Vessel

Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Isaiah 55:6 NIV

 God, as I bare my soul to others, may my doubts give others confidence; may my cry allow others to laugh, and my discomfort allows others to be comforted?

 As I search for you and wait to hear your voice, may others hear your voice through me.

 I thank you God for allowing me to be the instrument, the vessel for others to find their way. I pray that in the process I too will find my way.  Amen

[Via http://faithscape.net]

Who called me at eight o'clock this morning?

I have my suspicions,
really I do, however I
will refrain from accusing
any or all of the conspirators
at this time, but at another time,
I may name names without prior
consent and/or warning.

What is wrong with you people?
It’s a good thing that I’m such
a well adjusted morning person,
or there very well may have been
consequences and/or repercussions
for some or all of the guilty party or
parties.

I misspell repercussions and inconvenient
every single time.

[Via http://magicjones.wordpress.com]

Ordinary people

Most of my studio work is usually done with aspiring models who advertise themselves on sites such as Purestorm or Model Mayhem. This is good in many ways as they are usually able to pose themselves and the direction is quite easy. However, I do like to challenge myself work with people who have no intention to be a model and just want some beautiful photographs of themselves.

Saturday was one of those days where I took up the challenge due to being let down by one of the ‘professional’ models from one of the aforementioned sites. I had been talking to this girl for a while and she wanted some photos to give her back some self-esteem as she has a bad self image of her body. I think the results capture something special in her and I would appreciate your comments. It’s good sometimes to be a bit of a Gok Wan and hopefully give someone a little boost with my photography

[Via http://trixtaphotography.wordpress.com]